Puck Wars Return of the Duck
by Lady Silver1
Summary: How would the Mighty Ducks and the Star Wars crew get along? Hope you enjoy! updated and set aside for a while. Let me know if you'd like to see more!
1. Default Chapter

You know how this works, I don't own the rights to the Mighty Ducks nor am I affiliated with the Star Wars gang in any way. I've taken liberties with the plot lines and characters of both movie and animated series, but simply in hopes of entertaining fellow fans and relieving the boredom of a hot summer's night . . . I hope you enjoy my first attempt at a fic and please let me know what you think :) Also, if you haven't seen Return of the Jedi or anything from Star Wars you may be a little lost, just FYI. . .  
  
A long time ago, in a galaxy far away. . .  
  
PUCK WARS - RETURN OF THE DUCK  
  
Luke Skywalker has returned to his home planet of Puck World to rescue his friend Han Solo from the clutches of the big bad Jabba the Hutt. Little does Luke know that the Saurian Empire has secretly begun construction on a new armored space station even more menacing than the first terrible Death Raptor. When completed, this ultimate weapon will spell certain doom for the small band of rebels struggling to restore freedom to the galaxy . . .  
  
Our story begins as we see Lord Vader's ship speeding towards the uncompleted Death Raptor. After landing in the hangar, the door opens to reveal a rather short, plump, non-threatening man in a black cloak and a flashy gold-plated helmet (Phil demanded to be allowed to make his own costume). Tucking away his ever-present cell phone, he strides out to meet his Commander.  
  
"Commander, I'm here to put you back on schedule, we have publicity stunts . . . I mean . . . the Emperor is coming and he will be displeased by these delays".  
  
"The Emperor is coming HERE my Lord? We shall double our efforts!"  
  
-- Familiar music plays as the scene fades into a stark desert environment.  
  
A tall blonde duck in a shiny gold jumpsuit is walking alongside what appears to be a squat garbage can on wheels with a rotating dome for a lid.  
  
"R2, you wouldn't believe the things I've heard about this guy! You would probably short circuit and I don't think they carry your parts at 'Lectric Land'. Lando and Chewbacca never returned from this awful place, we're probably walking into our doom. I don't know WHAT Master Luke was thinking."  
  
"We have nothing to worry about C3PO, everything's been taken care of" bleeped the droid.  
  
An ominous metal monstrosity of a castle loomed above them. After stopping at the big metal door, C3PO introduced them to the rude robot guard in a strange language, and as the door creaked open R2D2 slowly wheeled forward. A scary dude with a long tapering forehead approached the pair as the door ominously lowered again.  
  
"Just deliver Master Luke's message and get us out of here R2!"  
  
"The message must be delivered to Jabba himself" bleeped the droid, and the scary dude relented.  
  
The trio entered a room filled with soft music and the quiet conversations of the many different creatures surrounding them. On a platform lounged Siege . . . I mean . . . Jabba the Hutt eating frogs and smoking a pipe (but just a fake pipe, smoking is bad kids) (and not real frogs, that would be cruel . . .). As the scary dude announced the duck and the droid's purpose, R2D2's lights began to flash and a hologram appeared before them of a youthful duck. Clad in what appeared to be a karate uniform with a puck launcher at his side, the figure with blond shoulder length hair and a patch over his bill began to speak:  
  
"Hey exalted dude, what's shakin'? I'm Nosedive . . . oops, *shakes head* must stay in character . . . Luke Skywalker, Duck Knight and brother to . . . darn it . . . friend to Captain Solo. I know you're like upset with him and all, but can't we talk it over? I'd like to stop by sometime and get this settled. As a token of my good will, I'll give you a gift, this duck and droid - Tawnya: "Excuse me?!?" - both are hard working, and will do what you ask them to and stuff'. The image flickered and died, leaving C3PO sputtering in outrage, and Jabba chuckling menacingly,  
  
"He ain't gonna get anywhere near here, he's no Duck Knight" said the big orange Saurian. "Captain Solo ain't goin nowhere either, I like him just where he is".  
  
Looking in horror at the far corner of the room, C3PO and R2 saw their friend Han Solo propped against the wall frozen in his bed of belerium crystals, his mask jutting from the stone showing the grimace he wore as he was captured.  
  
The scene changes from Jabba's audience chamber to the dank dungeons below.  
  
"I'm SO gonna get Nosedive for this one. . ." muttered Tawnya as they were led down the dark hallway to the servant's quarters. 'So what can you do?' asked the head droid. Still upset, C3PO grumbled out that she spoke over 6 million languages and could make and/or fix anything under the sun or suns; depending on what planet you were on. As the piggy guards led her off, R2 was told that he could be of some use on the master's sail barge.  
  
Once again in the audience chamber, upbeat jazz-ish music was being played as Jabba sent his favourite dancer into the pit below his chair to be eaten by the Raincor. Boo hoo. But suddenly, there was a commotion by the door! A petite alien entered, followed by a large, muscled gray duck. Patches of fur appeared to have been glued to his feathers as his costume for this little parody and a look of extreme discomfort was on his face at this indignity.  
  
"My inner balance has been severely disturbed' he muttered before summoning up a half-hearted Wookie growl. Yanking Chewbacca's chain to stand in front of Jabba, the much shorter alien announced that it was there for the bounty for the Wookie. Peeking behind Jabba's shoulder, C3PO gasped in recognition of the captive. Bargaining over the price turned ugly for a brief period that involved a loaded puck launcher, but an agreement was soon reached and Chewbacca was led off muttering more angry nonsensical proverbs. In the shadows lurked another familiar figure keeping watch with his single eye.  
  
As the suns set below the horizon and Jabba's posse fell asleep, the bounty hunter crept purposefully across the room. Despite the fact that this alien and machinery usually don't mix well, with a few turns of the switches beside Han Solo's solid prison his platform was successfully lowered and the crystal began to melt away bringing him back to life. His shaking body collapsed heavily to the floor. The hunter brought him comfortingly into its arms and tried to reassure him that all would be well. Han found himself to be blind from his enforced hibernation. His trembling hand came into contact with his rescuer's face and this only aided to further his confusion.  
  
"W-who are you?" he asked. After a moment's pause the bounty hunter removed what had been a mask to reveal a pretty young duck with flaming red hair. (Ready for it fans? Tee hee!) In a voice that was no longer disguised she answered him back,  
  
"Someone who loves you". (Mallory: Narrator, why did I have to get the mushy part? Narrator: Because Mallory, I had to make sure you ended up with Wildwing of course :). Mallory: oh. . . well fine then. . . Narrator: Sure, maybe Duke would fit the role of the piratical Han a little better, but this is my story and I may do what I wish *snickers gleefully* Continuing on . . .)  
  
"Lea!" cried Han in relief as she tenderly kissed him in greeting. (*happy sighs from the narrator*) Turning serious, she said 'I gotta get you out of here'.  
  
Suddenly, much to their dismay, a curtain behind them opened to reveal a very much awake Jabba the Hutt, a gagged C3P0, and numerous other followers! They knew they were caught, all attempts to bargain failed! The still-blind Han was led away, leaving Lea to worry about what was to happen next . . .  
  
Well, have I caught your interest? Brought on a chuckle? Bored you to tears? Offended you in a major way? Let me know! This was fun :) More will soon follow . . . 


	2. Chapter Two

I hadn't realized just how many Star Wars fics were out there, and just how many parodies there were either. Please let me know if I have touched on someone else's work, I don't want to step on anyone's toes. Thanks for the emails/reviews so far; they've really encouraged me to continue with this madness! Anyways, on with the show! Hope you enjoy.  
  
Disclaimer: once again I don't own the Mighty Ducks or anything in relation to Star Wars  
  
Picking up where we left off. . . .  
  
Han was shoved roughly into a poorly lit cell (not that he could see anyways, just setting the scene) deep in the palace. He fumbled around with his arms, trying to get an idea of where he was and what might be in there with him. The sound of another's heavy breathing froze him in place, but the short, familiar growl that followed brought him extreme relief.  
  
"Chewy? Chewy is that you?" he called, praying his hearing wasn't also playing tricks on him.  
  
Chewbacca ran forwards, growling delightedly at the sight of his best friend who was thankfully still alive. As Han shakily asked what had been going on since his capture, Chewy tried to communicate the recent goings-on to him. (Sadly, Wookie is not Grin's native language. Wildwing could not keep his beak from quivering on the verge of laughter, and no amount of biting his lip could stop the snickers that escaped. Narrator: "Cut!" Grin *looks frustratedly into the camera*: "Narrator, I cannot do this for the entire movie. Everyone always laughs and this upsets my karma". Sure enough, offstage, the cast was practically on the floor - as usual. Narrator: "But Grin, we talked about this after rehearsal, you have to ignore them. Chewbacca was a Wookie and therefore spoke Wookie." Grin: *stares stubbornly* "This is one mountain than will not budge." Narrator: *shakes head in defeat* "Fine, fine, have it your way. Places you two! And whoever is still laughing backstage kindly shut it. Action!") Once more straight-faced, Han asked:  
  
"Chewy, w-what's going on?"  
  
"Luke is planning your rescue, he has become a Duck Knight" said the English-speaking Wookie.  
  
"A Duck Knight? Luke's too young to be a Duck Knight! He can't handle something like this!"  
  
"Rest assured that all is under control Han, you must relax. My little buddy has planned this carefully. He only had a little bit of help from me . . . and the narrator . . . and Mallory . . . and Tawnya . . . ok fine! But you shall see. I have seen in meditation that all will be well."  
  
A skeptical Han settled back to wait, and wonder . . .  
  
Meanwhile, the giant metal entrance to the palace opened once again, and a lone figure in a hooded cloak strode forward. The guards tried to block his passage, but a wave of some unseen force easily sent them out of the way. The figure entered the audience chamber to find most of its occupants to be fast asleep. The scary dude rushed up to him, knowing instantly who he was.  
  
"You must leave now, Jabba does not wish to deal with this foolishness," he announced.  
  
"He'll have to deal with it dude, I've got to talk to him" asserted Luke.  
  
"Shh . . . he's asleep!"  
  
"Mehhh . . . You will take me to Jabba now" said Luke in a voice that brooked no argument.  
  
"I will take you to Jabba now," said the scary dude in a somewhat spaced out voice, as if the words were not his own.  
  
(Nosedive: "Awwww, man, the fun I'm going to have with this Force stuff! Oh the pranks I can play on Mal, and Duke, and . . . " Narrator: "Sorry Dive, but the contract you signed to do this states that the Force will only be with you while we're filming, your team's orders." Nosedive: "What? Dude, what a bummer! You'd think that after that business with Duke and Lucretia I'd learn to read the fine print!" Narrator: "Continuing on please. . .")  
  
Luke followed as he was led into the audience chamber, where its members began to stir. Lea, her eyes watchful, began to rise from where she was chained against Jabba's side. As he stood in front of Jabba's platform, he glanced at Lea, relieved to see her unharmed, yet did a double take when he saw the gold links and bits of silk that were now barely covering her slender frame. (Nosedive: "Whoa girly girl! You really HAVE been hiding your light under a hockey uniform! . . . Eeep!" He instantly regretted his words at the look she gave him, were she not chained she likely would have jumped up to pummel him as usual. He muttered, "Thank the stars for small miracles. . ." and continued to wait.)  
  
Catching site of him, C3PO was overjoyed, "At last! Master Luke has come to rescue me!"  
  
The scary dude had clamored up to Jabba's side and tried to wake him. "Master, Luke Skywalker wishes to speak with you," he said as Jabba stirred.  
  
"I told you not to let him in!" said Jabba angrily.  
  
"But I have to talk to you man!" said Luke.  
  
Jabba was still angry with the scary dude; "You let him use his Duck Knight tricks on you!"  
  
Aiming his powers at Jabba, Luke commanded he bring Han and the Wookie to him. This caused Jabba to chuckle menacingly, "Your tricks won't work on me, brat."  
  
"Well hey, it was worth a shot. I'll still be taking Han and his friend with me whether you like it or not. I warn you not to underestimate me."  
  
C3PO tried to cut in, "Psst! Master Luke, you're standing on. . ." but Jabba interrupted,  
  
"They ain't goin' nowhere's! I'll enjoy watchin' you die Duck!" and hit the switch to send Luke and a rather unfortunate guard who was also on the door tumbling down through the floor to meet the Raincor. They landed hard in the pit beneath Jabba's platform and watched terror-stricken as the giant metal door opened to reveal . . . a large red foot? A purple cloak? (Nosedive: "Even Dragaunus has a part?" Narrator: "Hush Nosedive and do the scene!") The door continued to rise, slowly revealing a snarling, hideous beast about forty feet high. (Dragaunus: "I beg your pardon young lady? Hideous? If one of my minions DARED to say that. . ." Narrator: "Shut it Lizard Lips." Dragaunus: *stares angrily, but shuts up anyways*.) Amidst the growls the audience from above could hear the Raincor,  
  
"At last! You're mine you puny Duck! But first, this little pest. . ." flames shot from his mouth, charring the squealing guard instantly into a pile of ashes. Luke gulped in panic, but caught sight of a door at the other end of the pit. He made a run for it and thankfully due to the Raincor's size it was too slow to make a grab for him as he scooted between its legs. But when he got there, the door wouldn't budge! (Nosedive: "Umm . . . Narrator? Now what?" Narrator: "See that switch high up on the wall? Hit it with a rock". Nosedive: *looks around frantically* "What rock?" Narrator *angrily*: "Darn it! Who forgot the rock prop! Oh well . . . do you have your Puck Launcher? Just use that, this whole thing is messed up anyways." Nosedive *grins*: "Bingo!")  
  
"I've got you now, mallard!" growled the Raincor.  
  
"Not today Draggy!" Luke cried as he fired a puck and hit the switch, sending the door crashing down on the monster. With a final moan it ceased to move. (Nosedive: *stares for a minute* "Woo hoo! I just beat Dragaunus! Me! I did it! Where's Wing? I have to. . ." Narrator: *shakes head in apology* "Sorry Dive, he's only playing dead because he knows I'll withhold his pay if he doesn't." Nosedive: "Bummer! This so isn't my day!)  
  
A very relieved Luke could hear Lea's laughter of victory from above amidst Jabba's screams, "Now why did you have to go and do that? Bring me Solo and the Wookie, they'll all pay for this!"  
  
Minutes later Luke was being led forcefully back into the audience chamber, and caught sight of his friend being dragged in from the opposite direction. "Han!" he cried.  
  
"Baby bro! What were you thinking? I can't believe you'd pull a stunt like this!" (Narrator: "Ahem." Wildwing: "Oops")  
  
At the sound of the familiar voice, Han returned the call, "Luke! Together again eh?"  
  
"Wouldn't miss it," answered Luke.  
  
"How we doing?"  
  
"Same-o, same-o"  
  
"That bad huh? Where's Lea?"  
  
Though blind, Han could still hear her answer, "I'm here." Her voice was strained, her neck hurt from pulling against the chains that bound her to her captor's side.  
  
Han, Luke, and Chewbacca were placed in front of Jabba as he bid C3PO to speak for him. (Wildwing: "Mallory . . . wow." Mallory: *glances down at herself* "Kind of like it myself, I think I'll keep it." Wildwing: *winks, then turns back to face C3PO*)  
  
"His h-high exaltedness (Tawnya: "Eww. . ." *shudders*) Jabba the Hutt has decreed that you shall all be t-terminated . . . immediately."  
  
"Good, I hate long waits, " said Han dryly.  
  
"You will be cast into the pit of Wannafinishthischapter, where you will be slowly digested by the powerful Tsarlac over a thousand years," continued 3PO.  
  
"On second thought. . ." said Han.  
  
"You should have let me take them when you had the chance dude," announced Luke mysteriously.  
  
"Take them away!" demanded Jabba.  
  
"Man, are YOU going to be sorry!" laughed Luke.  
  
The scenery changes from the dark palace to a stark, never-ending desert. Jabba's sail barge floats along above the dunes while the prisoner's platform flies alongside it. Jabba's band is playing once again in the cool shade inside, a cheery sound that does not match the occasion. R2D2 is serving drinks to Jabba's thirsty posse while a worried Lea sits at the window at the end of her chain, watching her four friends across the way. Han, Luke, and Chewbacca all had their hands tied, but the thankfully undiscovered Lando was keeping watch, posing as a guard.  
  
On the ship, Han leaned closer to Luke, "You know, I think my eyes are getting better, instead of a big dark blur all I see is a big light blur," he said.  
  
"There's nothing to see, it's all beach and no water bro. Just stick close to Chewy and Lando, I've got it all under control."  
  
"Oh . . . great." was the skeptical retort.  
  
Back on the barge Lea was fighting off disgusting advances from Jabba. (Mallory: "Narrator, can I please kick him? This is revolting, he's nothing like . . . " Narrator: "Sorry Mal, you'll have to wait." Mallory: "But . . .!" Narrator: "You'll see." Mallory: *stares suspiciously* "Fine.") Across the room, C3PO stumbled into a small droid, knocking the drinks it was carrying off its head.  
  
"Oh I'm terribly sor . . . R2! What are YOU d-doing in this awful place?" she cried.  
  
"Serving drinks," he bleeped back tartly.  
  
"Well I can see that, but this place is d-dangerous! They're going to kill Master Luke, and if we're not careful, us next!"  
  
"Everything's going to be fine," was the reply.  
  
"Hmph . . . I wish I had your confidence," said 3PO glumly.  
  
They had arrived. The ships positioned themselves around the pit of Imalmostfinishedthischapter, one in place for the prisoners to jump into the waiting monster's jaws, the other to get the best view. A plank slid smoothly out of the side of the prisoner's platform, ready to be jumped off of. Tentacles reached upwards, straining for the feast the monster knew was coming. Jabba motioned for C3PO to address the prisoners,  
  
"Victims of the almighty Tsarlac," she began, "his excellency hopes that you will die honourably, but should any of you wish to beg for mercy (Tawnya: "Blech . . . "), the great Jabba the Hutt will now listen to your pleas."  
  
"3PO!" cried Han, "you tell that piece of worm-ridden filth he'll get no such pleasure from us!"  
  
Luke stepped up to the railing as he saw R2D2 wheel into position on the roof of the barge. "Jabba! This is your last chance, free us, or die!"  
  
This only brought laughter from Jabba and his crew. "Move him into position, hehehe."  
  
Luke was prodded onto the platform, where he paused. He looked first to the guard next to Han who returned his almost imperceptible nod, his good eye watchful. Second he saluted up to R2, the signal they had settled upon. A panel shifted open on R2's top to reveal Luke's light saber. Han looked around, knowing something was about to happen but not being able to prepare for it. Lea stood watching, willing the plan to work.  
  
"Put him in!" cried Jabba.  
  
Another guard stepped forward to prod Luke with his gun, but before he could touch him Luke bounced off, but caught the board as it bounced back up. R2 launched his light saber, and as Luke twisted in mid-air he caught and activated it as soon as he touched back down on the ship. The guards had woken up, but some were not as fast. Luke sent several tumbling down into the pit before untying Chewy and Han. Jabba was flapping about, not knowing what to do, while Lea stood beside him and thought rapidly, trying to figure out how she could help. Figures were scrambling over the decks; Lando's disguise had come off as he showed the side he was truly on. (Duke: "Finally! Some action!") Unfortunately, as he shoved off another guard, he was dragged over the side as well, left dangling by a handful of wires. "Chewy! A little help here!" he called upwards. Han, who had been knocked to the floor by Chewbacca to protect him from laser fire, heard Lando's cry and inched towards him. Luke had jumped to the other cruiser to stop them from firing upon Han and Chewy while they helped Lando.  
  
Meanwhile, on the ship, Lea was busy destroying Jabba's control panel, dousing the inner hold in darkness. Then it was time to deal with her captor. Grabbing the long length of chain that was cuffed around her neck, she tossed the rest around the frantic Jabba's bulky neck and pulled for all her worth. He strained to loosen her hold but failed, she continued to pull the chain tightly until his spasms ended and the last breath of air left his body. (Mallory: "Don't tell me, it's no pain, no gain for Siege too, right?" Narrator: "You guessed it sweets" Mallory *sigh*: "Figures . . .") She jumped gracefully down from the platform and waited for R2 to rejoin her.  
  
Outside, Han was trying to lower a spear in the direction of Lando's voice in hopes of pulling him up, but laser fire from the barge's deck was making it difficult, lurching the platform with each blast. Seeing this, Luke jumped from the other cruiser and climbed the sides of the barge to attack the guards there. Suddenly, a tentacle wrapped itself around Lando's leg! He had a hand on the spear, but Han was unable to pull him up on his own, let alone while Lando was being pulled in the other direction. Already dangling from his own feet, Han yelled to Chewy for help. A laser was handed down to him and Han took careful aim.  
  
"Wait! I thought you were blind!" yelled Lando.  
  
"It's ok, I can see a lot better!" yelled Han in return as he took careful aim.  
  
"Aim jus' a little higher! A little higher!"  
  
Han fired once, and whether from luck or returning vision he managed to hit the monster. It released its hold with a cry of pain and anger, and Han yelled to Chewy to pull them up. Inside the ship R2 had found its way back to Lea and sawed through the chains that bound her.  
  
"Come on, it's time to get out of here" she said, and left to find her way to the deck while R2 went in search of C3PO. Upstairs, Luke was in heated battle with the guards. When he spotted Lea he yelled to her to get to the ship's main gun and point it at the deck.  
  
"When do you think I entered the military? Yesterday? I know what to do!" she snapped. (Narrator: "Mallory!" Mallory: *looks somewhat sheepish* "Ahem") R2 shoved C3PO off the deck as Luke hopped up to join Lea on the base of the gun. When it had finished turning, he grabbed a rope (rather convenient eh?) and motioned her over. (Nosedive: *raises eyebrows suggestively* Mallory: *balls her hands into fists* "Not one word, Flashblade, not one single word") She hopped into his arms as he kicked the switch for the gun to fire. Sparks flew as the laser hit the deck, and Luke and Lea swung off the ship onto the waiting cruiser.  
  
"Let's go! And don't forget the droids" he cried.  
  
A smiling Lando said, "We're on our way!"  
  
They scooped up the two very sandy droids, and as the barge exploded behind them in a fiery display, they sped away over the dunes, mission accomplished.  
  
To be continued . . . 


	3. bye bye for now

Hi everyone! Lady Silver here. Ok, here's the deal: I know I said last chapter I was going to continue with this little story, but I've gotten an idea for an original fic and I'd like to focus on that one for a while. So, for now, I'm going to drop this story and start working on my other one. However, if someone gets back to me and says they'd like it to continue, then I'm sure I could go and crank out a bit more. Let me know, my email is silverlee9@hotmail.com, or just send me a review. I hope you enjoyed what I did manage to get out there, and look for me in the near future if my other idea works out. Bye for now! Mighty Ducks forever! Lol ;) 


End file.
